Helping children self-regulate: co-regulation first

The parts of the brain that manage strong feelings are still under construction throughout early childhood. A child in distress is not choosing to be difficult; their system is overwhelmed and reaching for an adult to steady it.

Co-regulation is that steadying: your slower breathing, softer voice and predictable presence give a child's nervous system something to sync with. Over time, and with a great deal of repetition, it becomes their own capacity.

Lower yourself physically and lower your voice. Less language, not more — 'I'm here. I've got you.' is usually enough.

Keep everyone safe and wait. Teaching, reasoning and consequences land nowhere while the wave is still cresting.

Offer a body-based option rather than a verbal one: a hand to hold, a heavy cushion, a walk to the window, a drink of water, a push against the wall.

Name it afterwards, briefly and without a lecture: 'That was a big one. You really wanted to stay.'

Predictable rhythms and honest warnings before transitions remove a huge amount of daily friction.

Daily movement, outdoor time and genuinely unhurried play do more for regulation than any calm-down chart.

A quiet, un-punitive space children may choose — not be sent to — gives them somewhere to practise coming back down.

Adults need their own regulation plan. You cannot lend a calm you do not have, and noticing that without shame is part of the work.

The workshops 'Regulation techniques' and 'Supporting children's mental health' explore this in an hour, with a booklet of practical strategies for home or setting.

A note on scope: Amy is an early years educator currently studying a Level 9 postgraduate in play therapy, and is not a qualified play therapist. These workshops are education for adults, not therapy. If a child needs clinical support, speak to your GP or public health nurse, who can refer on.